So this is it...week 1. The worst week of life, so it seems! I woke up this morning with ultimate dread remembering the oatmeal and fruit cup awaiting me downstairs. Mmmm breakfast. I drove to work this morning and passed a McDonalds and a Tim Hortons and I swear they were calling my name! What I would not give for an egg mcmuffin and a donut! BUT I continued driving and parked quite far from work and walked the rest of the way. My mood started to lighten as I was walking. I thought to myself, "Ok, I am able to pass the fast food places without automatically turning my blinker on and turning into the drive thru. This is a good thing!" It was actually surprising considering my love for fast food! Love or obsession? I have yet to figure that out. Its not the convenience of the food that is so compelling ( I dislike cooking), but the fact that it tastes so forbidden! I know so many people say how disgusting and greasy it tastes, but I can't even tell.Wait! That reminds me...that is one of the reasons I need to lose weight and eat healthy. I cant even taste what is unhealthy!
With that said, perhaps when I start eating healthy foods my taste buds will go back to normal? Let hope. I have tried pretending lettuce is a piece of pizza or something else bad..but my imagination does not control the taste. I am not against or dislike healthy foods, some I enjoy quite a bit. But it seems I am attached to junk and cant get enough. Like I am addicted to it and will stop at nothing to eat it all the time. Its craziness and it scares me!
I was eating lunch today (the worlds smallest ham sandwich) and I tried to eat it slowing and not gobble it up in two bites. I noticed after I finished it and the small cube of cheese that I was still hungry...what I did not notice right away was that my mind was hungry, not my stomach. Once I stopped some of the million warnings being sent by my brain to my stomach, "Eat more! There is a muffin in the staff room! Do it, you need it!", I realized that all of my eating is not because I need it, but because I want it. I cant remember the last time I felt physically hungry. Actually, I do not even know if I could tell the difference. It seems my mind is saying I am always hungry. " You just finished a meal, have another!" Have they invented and on and off switch for the brain? Anyone know the cost?
That's it! I have decided...the brain and the stomach will be locked in a room every day of this journey until they learn to get along. They will, won't they? Oh boy!